The Ballad of Lacie O’Malley
On the subject of spiders and sexual pleasure.
This poem is very silly, but just a warning for sexual content and arachnophobia. Originally written 2017.
Here I’ll tell you the tale of a woman named Lacie,
Though now I shall warn you: the tale will be racy,
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here,
And who enter young Lacie
With nothing to fear.
In her youth she was healthy, broad-shouldered and tall,
She played chess in the evenings, and the mornings, football,
And then in her teens she added some more,
Did her hobbies and homework, and even some chores.
As a woman, my God, dear Lacie was grand:
Her Leaving exams went precisely as planned:
For the price of her soul and her time and her wits,
She got six hundred points before she called it quits!
Her HPAT was fine, her interview better,
And Lace was a Gaeilgeoir — perfect down to the letter.
She started to study for her Medical Degree:
Lacie O’Malley: a surgeon to be.
