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Tell Me How You Like It: A Beginner’s Guide to Talking Dirty

Delving into dirty talk and direct communication in the bedroom.

Johannes T. Evans
11 min readNov 15, 2022

How do I dirty talk effectively in the bedroom? How do I start talking when my natural inclination is to remain quiet? What do I say? How do I get over the embarassment?

I’m going to be going through a lot of foundational questions and things to say to build on when you’re first approaching dirty talk with a partner — I’m using explicit examples throughout, so expect NSFW text.

Photo by Kris Møklebust via Pexels.

Dirty talk is a funny thing because it’s pretty natural for us to talk to each other in the bedroom, to communicate as we go, but it can be hard to navigate what exactly to say — it can feel embarrassing, can feel excruciating, to say some things out loud, simply because they feel too revealing or too vulnerable, or even too rude and too demanding.

I think people get anxious about dirty talk for similar reasons they might get anxious using the phone: it can feel like there’s an expected script or standard that other people know and you don’t, and silences can feel awkward or uncertain!

After all, if there’s an awkward silence, that means you’re doing dirty talk Wrong, which is bad, and you’ll probably be punished by rejection or isolation or some other secret…

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Johannes T. Evans
Johannes T. Evans

Written by Johannes T. Evans

Gay trans man writing fantasy fiction, romance, and erotica. Big on LGBTQ and disability themes, plus occasional essays and analysis. He/him.

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