Autism Shopping Trip

Humour. An arduous and taxing journey.

I FINALLY got paid, having been waiting impatiently for this, as it’s the end of the month and we’ve been operating on very little food in the house, not to mention a lack of cat litter.

Picture the scene.

Me: Little bespectacled white man, gibbon-like, balding.

I am wearing white Converse trainers (double-laced), red socks pulled up to the calf, red and green shorts, a white t-shirt with a rainbow Black power fist and the slogan, LGBTQ+ Rights.

Equipment:

• noise-cancelling Bluetooth over-the-year headphones
• ridiculously large phone that barely fits in my pocket
• massive blue camping trolley cart

I exit my apartment building. I feel immediate regret. It’s 28°C, humid. The air feels very close and claustrophobic, heavy as well as damp.

Not to mention, it’s 3:30pm: the school run is in full swing. There are families everywhere, and none of them are walking sensibly. I begin to slowly navigate the large crowds of stupid parents and their slightly more cautious children.

I see a small dachshund on the school run who is having a great time. He is small and brown and trotting eagerly alongside his…